what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
