You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
