Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
