My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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