My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
