so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
