My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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