dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Mom said you looked used
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
