When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
be right there i have to get my cape
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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