hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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