We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
