I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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