Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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