We're facebook friends in real life
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
