She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
