this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
