I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
