Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
