Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
