Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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