She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
