I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
