Duck Duck Cougar?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
