Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
