is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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