she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
