I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Thatβs all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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