are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
