Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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