Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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