she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
