You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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