dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
How's work?
Spinning.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
