I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
