At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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