Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
