i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
