Yo dont text me then not text me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
