Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
