Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
