My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
