I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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