And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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