Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
