I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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