Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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