I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
