Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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