I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The uberlube is also flammable
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
