The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
