Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the condom got lost in my hair
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
either way he was missing a nipple.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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