she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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