So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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