Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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