I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I am naked and annoyed.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
