i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
