from now on my penis is your penis
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
